Themes and Readings

I've been trying to make more time to do tarot readings lately. I did a reading back in September for a friend and found myself stumbling and second-guessing my read on things; thankfully, as a practitioner herself, she made me a cup of tea and was very patient. Since then, I've made it a point to do at least a read a week as I work through some other difficult areas of my life.

I've been using the Fenestra deck, which is lovely (and chatty!), but when another friend let me use her Shadowscapes deck last weekend, I ordered it immediately. Working with both decks has been really helpful as they have different "voices" and directions, which have been essential in getting me back into the swing of things. 

Nine of Swords
Shadowscapes Tarot

Part of this practice has been drawing a card a day. I've had some really great insight earlier this week, so when I drew the nine of swords today, my heart sank. Swords as a suit have never heralded anything I've wanted to hear, so I braced myself and looked up the meaning. 

There's a lot to unpack with each card, with multiple applications of meaning to different areas of your life. The nine of swords is the card of fear and nightmares, settling squarely in the psychological/mental realm. It speaks of something within causing fear and anxiety, of internal stories we tell ourselves causing problems in the external world. 

In a small way, I had to laugh at myself -- my minor anxiety at drawing a swords suit proves the point of the card's meaning. 

The nine of swords speaks of negative self-talk, of limiting ourselves by the belief that we can't do something, or aren't good/pretty/smart enough to achieve something we want in our lives. 

I don't know exactly why the title
makes me giggle a little

In a beautiful sense of parallel, this is also what I'm reading in Warrior Goddess Training (gods, that title made me snicker the first -- and second -- time I read it). The first lesson is to commit to yourself, to close the gap between self-rejection and acceptance of who you are. It encourages us to let go of the avalanche of expectations we heap on ourselves and to look inward past our interpretations and cluttered narratives and really, truly learn who we are as women. 

Today I'm working hard to honor -- but ultimately let go of -- the narratives and interpretations I have that inhibit me. In action, that means less apologizing or justifying my opinions and working to be firm but fair in my actions instead. I'm giving myself permission to just BE -- to be myself, to exist without apology --  instead of explaining and justifying myself.