Feedback, Reflection, and Patience

Following some troubles at work, I sought out my mentor for advice (okay, so I go to him for advice but I seriously doubt he considers himself my mentor). In any case, he had a lot of really helpful things to say, much of it hard to hear because I don't identify with the traits he described me as having.

Flowering tree outside my apartment

He said that I tend to be a few steps ahead of others, and that the impression that I'm not being present can feel dismissive. He also said that I have a habit of either waiting for people to come around to my way of thinking (which they do, eventually) or dragging people along to the option I want them to take. This, combined with a no-bullshit, very direct approach to problem solving, can make people feel like I don't respect or value them.

To be fair, he said that he likes that I'm direct and don't deal with the bullshit, but that it's not the best way to work with most people.

He says I need to slow down, to not make people feel rushed. To just chill out and give people the chance to explore the space and arrive at their own conclusions -- even if there's only one conclusion and I know it, I have to give them the chance to figure it out.

This is going to be really hard for me. I see where he's coming from and I respect his opinion, but I don't like that my desire to not waste peoples' time is considered disrespectful to them. I come from a place of thinking people have better things to do with their time than to "explore the space." My background is in science, with conclusions measured and factual. Wasting someone's time with speculation or asking them to arrive at their own conclusions was deeply insulting and disrespectful. They had better things to do! We were always swamped! So you were methodical in your testing, concise in your reporting, and succinct in your briefs with others (that's why they're called briefs!)

I see where he's coming from, though. I work in a creative environment, and people need the option to explore and understand what's going on before having a conclusion or idea forced on them. I remember once in a meeting with my boss and another coworker where I desperately wanted to say something but it seemed out of place and self-serving. Fifteen minutes into the meeting, my boss had a sudden dawning and brought it up -- and it was more impactful, more powerful that he came to the realization himself without me calling it out. I don't need to be the one to mention a thing.

The problem, I think, is patience. In things I perceive as simple, I just want to knock them out and move to the next thing. For things that require I focus on the long game, I'm good. I can see the path and bide my time. The issue is when I have to rely on others to see what I see, and I haven't had a great track record on that count.

I will try. I'll work on this, and seek out ways to be more patient.