Slowly finding my words

Things have been improving a lot.

I've almost been afraid to talk about it because I'm so afraid that this is all a fragile bubble that can burst at any moment and I'll be back to holding the floor down with my body and wishing I had the energy to do things. Fear is the mind killer, as Frank Herbert has said, and I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

I've finished up the medication cycle for my endo and have moved to a BC implant, which should help manage my symptoms. The lupron depot injections I was on were really helpful but sapped me of all my energy for six months and made it difficult to do anything. But things are improving and I've been able to exercise, to cook real food (not just reheat frozen things) and keep up with all the house things -- cleaning, laundry, etc. They're all things I previously took for granted; that is, you never really think about doing the laundry. You just do it because you need clean clothes, obviously, and it's just a normal thing like showering or wearing shoes. 

For the last six months I've had a prioritized list in my head. There were things that were non-negotiable that I had to do every day - brushing teeth, feeding the cat, going to work, eating at least two meals. Then there were secondary things that I needed to do, but could put off a few days and build up the energy for: dishes, laundry, grocery shopping. Things like "visit with a friend" or "participate in a non-essential thing" were very, very far down the list. I felt -- and still feel -- like a horrible person for not reaching out to friends who reached out to me, for not responding to messages or emails or letters. I'm not to a point where I can tackle the backlog yet, but I'm working on it. Progress is being made.

Spring has also brought with it a renewed stirring for witchy things, and I've decided that -- for the first time in 19 years -- to go back and review some of the basics. I was talking with a friend who has been practicing at least as long as I have about the heavy tiredness I've been feeling, and she recommended a really good book that isn't condescending to the long-time practitioner but that helps to get back to your roots. I've ordered it and will post more once I've had a chance to work through it a bit. 

Otherwise, I'm still keeping on. I feel like I'm in preparation mode for things to come -- tilling the soil in which I'll plant my intentions.